I’m going away for a while
But I’ll be back
Don’t try to follow me
‘Cause I’ll return as soon as possible
See, I’m trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe

We all learn to make mistakes
And run from them, from them
With no direction
We’ll run from them, from them
With no conviction

‘Cause I’m just one of those ghosts
Travelin’ endlessly
Don’t need no roads
In fact, they follow me
And we just go in circles

And now I’m told that this is life
That pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it

Would someone care to classify?
A broken heart and some twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on
And run to them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh, you are not useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Travelin’ endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there’s no one road
We should not be the same
But I’m just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles

–

Soooo I think I’ve shared this before: I get into phases with the artists I listen to. For the last few months it’s all been Coldplay (Mylo Xyloto is so awesome I can’t even… Princess of China is my official wake up song everyday)–and now I think I might be returning to my first love, Paramore. Misguided Ghosts has always been one of my most favorite songs in Brand New Eyes, second to Careful. It might have to do with Hayley not singing in full force and the simplicity and honesty of the lyrics..that yeah, I’m admitting I’m kinda lost.

The funny thing about Paramore is that I realize I always go back to their songs whenever I feel lost or confused or disconnected about what’s happening in my life (i.e. junior year hell, before and during thesis, after graduation-blues, first-year-work stress). So I guess me going back to listening to their songs kinda confirms my general mood lately.

It’s not that I’m sad or depressed (LOL NO), just that I think I’m the kind of person who loves the concept of change in general but secretly fears it. Shifting to another college course, leaving an old house/condo/dorm, going to work for the first time… I do get excited by new things but my mind has to mourn the old stuff first. Or maybe it’s not the change that I don’t like as much as the dread of it happening*.

Not that it has ever stopped me before.

–

*#pessimisticproblems

*random post topic is random. I was totally going to write an entry about Plana Forma and/or my new phone (LOL I’VE SURRENDERED YAY TEAM ANDROID ) and then Misguided Ghosts played on my trusty playlist so here we are. What a moody entry for January no? Must remedy that soon.

Oh it’s because you know, I’m not the kind of girl who makes grand advance plans (I’m going to New York this year! I’m going to have a Peeta-peg boyfriend!) or big self-improvement promises (though maybe I should…) for the upcoming year.

The most that I always do is try be better than I was the year before. And pray hard it’s going to be good enough.

As for my dearest friends, I think I always post this every New Year’s Eve, but it’s only because I’ll always wish this for all every year

“I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you’ll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you’ll make something that didn’t exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.”

- Neil Gaiman

Hope 2012 brings us love, luck and a new adventure! x

See part 1 here.

Couple Crush of 2011

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield

… because I could only hope to look that good with my future Significant Other. (dahling, why don’t you put on a cute cardigan and some red pants and let’s take a stroll outside….)

…because like Rob and Kristen, I know my heart will break if they split. Yes I’m looking at you Alex Pettyfer and Diana Agron.

Song Crush of 2011

MNDR I Go Away

It’s over,
don’t you believe it’s over.
How did I get here without feeling anything?
Stay true, see it through they say.
Tick tock, time just slips away.
And when the air is clear
The way I go is the way I feel.

Book Crush of 2011

Perfume: Story of a Murderer by Patrick Suskind

…okay I know it’s weird that I’ve only just read it this year, but hey, never too late to read the classics. I LOVE THIS BOOK because (aside from the plot/characterization/tension elements which are a given already…) man oh man, the sheer number and variety of words used in every page was like… thesaurus-porn. SERIOUSLY. I love how unexpected the words come together in describing scent. SCENT! Goodness, that’s like my holy grail of copywriting. I was already purring by the end of the first chapter, in particular one paragraph where the way the stench of Paris was described:

“The streets stank of manure, the courtyards of urine, the stairwells stank of moldering wood and rat droppings, the kitchens of spoiled cabbage and mutton fat; the unaired parlors stank of stale dust, the bedrooms of greasy sheets, damp featherbeds, and the pungently sweet aroma of chamber pots. The stench of sulfur rose from the chimneys, the stench of caustic lyes from the tanneries, and from the slaughterhouses came the stench of congealed blood. “

My god I could go on. But er… I won’t. HAHA. Definitely made me re-think of what I can do with words.

Runner up: Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire.

fast kwento: My Goodreads review ended up on her official  Facebook Wall because Jamie was so amused that I managed to use space mushrooms and Patron in describing why the book deserved 5 stars. *weak smile*

I stand by what I wrote… because darling, you know that feeling where you totally don’t want to try it out but you do anyway and while you’re on it you can’t remember why you said NO in the first place? That’s exactly how my reading experience went. My mind wanted to go to a fetal position and cry “WHY WHY DID I LIKE THIS BOOK?!” But I do, I still do. Jamie said her books are polarizing and you either hate it or love it. Needless to say… I want that factor:))

Movie Crush of 2011

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2

I am mostly convinced that nothing like this will ever happen again in my lifetime.

Side award: Trailer Crush of 2011

.. You can’t imagine the sigh of relief I made when I saw the trailer. Hunger Games should be in good hands. Fave parts of the trailer: when Katniss volunteered, the Peeta x Katniss moments, and the countdown part. Boy OH boy.

Runner up: Snow White and the Huntsman

SIIIIIIICK. Also, a lot of beautiful people here + new-to-the-eyes effects (HELLO CREEPY MIRROR) + can’t wait to see how dark the movie’s gonna get!

TV series crush of 2011

Game of Thrones

Already blogged about it here… now I can’t wait how they’ll fuck it up for the next season. KIDDING. HAHA.

GoT book update: I got stuck at Storm of Swords after hearing a ton of spoilers. My fragile fangirl heart couldn’t take it after hearing that *bleep* died, *bleep* got lost then died, *bleep* also dies…. I MEAN WHAT THE HELL MAN*

…but Walking Dead (le gasp**) comes in close second.

Gadget Crush of 2011

Kindle Fire

Never you mind the weird review that consisted of four participants. This is the closest thing to the perfect tablet for me… because heaven knows I don’t crave for just any gadget.   For one, Vinni is properly disturbed that I’m the only one (or one of the two…) in the office that doesn’t have a smartphone yet. Sigh IDK. I’m sure I’ll enjoy having one, but my sights are set on a new laptop for 2012. Ah well. )

Fandom Crush of 2011

I’ve lost and gained so many Tumblr followers because of this. The Peeta memes, the Liv It Up gifs, the super pretty fanart, the way the people reacted to the first OST song* (ANGER – ACCEPTANCE – LOVE), the tolerance… Ohhh I know we’re just getting started.

Check out all my Hunger Games fangirling here.

Aaaaaand that, my friends, concludes My Grand Crushes List of 2011! See you on 2012… if ever the end of the world does not come to pass. Or I just suddenly give up on this blog. Whichever comes first. Hoho

–

*George R.R. Martin

**because… everyone who knows me knows I don’t like zombies!! Even more than Sadako-species ghosts. Now because of my officemates, I think I’m cured. LOL

***In one hour after Taylor Swift tweeted about it, Safe and Sound was trending worldwide on Twitter and was reblogged/liked by 43k blogs. Yes my lovelies, we are the next big thing whether we like it or not.

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

And the bullets catch in her teeth

Life goes on it gets so heavy

The wheel breaks the butterfly

Every tear a waterfall

In the night, the stormy night, she’ll close her eyes

In the night, the stormy night, she’d fly

Girl Crush of 2011

Jennifer Lawrence

…Have you seen the The Hunger Games trailer? You should. THG is so lucky to have a lead actress like her (look, I love Kristen, but her early awkwardness during the first Twilight movies never helped anybody). I’ve adored Jennifer ever since X-Men First Class, but I really loved her after watching this interview and this one. She has the best comedic timing ever. EVER. I can imagine her as Emma Stone’s best friend for some reason.

I also want to share this quote from an interview she did for EW. After reading this, my mind was officially convinced that she’ll do justice to Katniss’ role. The epic trailer was just an affirmation:

“I told Gary, ‘I totally understand if you don’t hire me, but please remember that after Katniss shoots a bow and kills someone her face cannot be badass. It has to be broken.’ She has to be heartbroken because she just took another person’s life. It’s so tempting, especially with a cool, big budget franchise movie, but we have to remember that she’s a 16-year-old girl who’s being forced to do this. These kids are only killing each other because if they don’t, they’ll die. —Jennifer Lawrence on her character’s mindset, to Entertainment Weekly

I love that she can be cute this time then super sizzling hot the next then throw a thoughtful quotable quote all of a sudden. This girl will do great things, I swear.

Boy Crush of 2011

Sam Spratt (<– click click click)

…there are a lot of talented people on Tumblr… but he’s one of the few who seems to really know what the fuck he’s doing. He’s not a lost 24-year-old artist groping about where he fits in this world. This guy knows. And everything he does is freaking fantastic. I remember… he caught my attention because he has the MOST eloquent answers to Tumblr Ask questions. For example, someone asked him if originality is dead, and this is his take:

Not at all—but I think people’s definition of it is skewed to mean something truly and 100% new brought into the world.

Bread was bread and cheese was cheese, but some brilliant mind combined them and cooked them to make the grilled cheese sammich and it’s a magical, completely original thing despite it simply being a recipe of two incredibly unoriginal, preexisting foods. In other words, as a society, we build from our pasts and the new things we make—the innovations and unique things that we create, shouldn’t need to start on some imaginary clean slate to be deemed original.

And my personal favorite, someone asked him what he thought of society’s perception of beauty… roughly translated to: do you only date skinny/modelesque girls? Here’s a part of his answer.

People often divide physical attraction into two categories: 1) People who say that you have to look a certain way and 2) People who say that it doesn’t matter what you look like and that it’s only what’s “on the inside that counts”. Much like being purely liberal or purely conservative, this is a narrow-minded approach that manifests as either incredibly blunt, stubborn, and harsh or extremely open, accepting, and VERY vocal. You’re either shallow or you’re not in many people’s eyes and I think it’s a tragedy that a middle ground seems incapable of existing.

You group who I am attracted to and who I would date in the same category. While there is overlap, the two are very different things. In other words, I am judgmental of people’s appearances when applied to my initial, gut, attraction to them. However, just as quickly (and much stronger) does my judgment of them as human beings kick in. It’s incredibly easy to fuck someone gorgeous, it’s unbelievably hard to find someone gorgeous that you want to talk to every day. As I said, the model-quality cookie-cutter women are everywhere—but genuinely good and smart people, no matter how “beautiful” or “ugly” on the outside they may be, are rare and valuable (in general, not just in the realm of “romance”). At the end of the day, don’t assign yourself some manifesto on attraction. It is just as easy to turn down the beautiful and brainless as it is the bland and brilliant… For me, I pursue a balance of the best of both worlds with an open mind and I highly recommend avoiding seeing attraction as something so surface-level and black and white. There are very few things in life I “only” do in one way… It’d be pretty hard to learn or experience anything unique if you only lived one way.

Also, he followed me when I told him he is adorable. LOL

Cat Crush of 2011

Maru…. because he’s like the poster cat for everything you adore in, well, cats.

I can stare at him for hours.

…and hours… and hours… and….

In Real Life Crush of 2011

LOL NO.

Sorry.

—

Part 2-soonish!

Am I the only one with the “Hi 2011. Bye 2011.” feeling around here? This year has got to be the fastest. It didn’t seem to be that long when I bought my cute travel-themed planner (which true to form I stopped using around June… and now I’m hunting for The 2012 One. It’s a vicious cycle).

For this last month, I’ll probably be writing about the best and worst books/movies/songs/life events I’ve encountered this 2011. Should be pretty fun. And cathartic… since I plan to lay low on the blog for 2012 to focus solely on my other writing projects I never got to do.

Okay fast kwento: 2011 was my reading year–I really planned on reading as many books as I can…  to sort of refuel, I guess. Now that I’ve read my fill (see right-hand column for my 50 Book Reading Challenge *Cheshire Cat grin*), I think I have a general clearer direction of want I want to write. My teeny problem is that I tend to drop everything when I’m into one of my projects, so the blog updates might get affected. Not that it means anything to anybody haha!

Lots of changes about to happen (hello what do you think of my unfinished blog header LOL) in 2012… but I think I can spare a few more entries reliving 2011.

Lezzgow!

Oh look, it’s snowing again in WordPress Winter Wonderland.

Yes I couldn’t resist.

No didn’t think it was necessary either.

Trying to make ends meet, you’re a slave to the money then you die

*like a true 90′s person (wait whut) I first heard this on Cruel Intentions. That ending scene is burned in my mind forever.

MUST READ: The following entry is me, invoking my right to a once-a-year birthday ramble. You of course, have the right to skip.

Red Velvet cake and iced latte for dessert last night at UCC!! *happy*

My birthday is about to end!! in 7 minutes. I’m always a bit sad whenever my birthday is about to end, no matter how much I enjoyed my day.

Ah well. I wonder what’s in store for me next year. Will I finally fall in love (…)? Finish my first manuscript? Change careers? Get thinner? (LOL). The funny thing is that next year seems to be so far away, but when it finally does come… I am always the first to be surprised that it’s already here.

For example.

Five years ago I was cheated on, our dearest family dog died of cancer, my parents separated after 19 years and my grades were failing for the first time since I became a student… all in my 19th year.

Now suddenly I’m 24. And all I can say is: How things have changed from that day.

Errr... last night at Burgoo we had a bunny drawing contest (because the rabbit is my spirit animal according to little sister) and I lost because mine looked like... a bat. Ah well, I was with two Art Directors. More on that next blog post!!

Anyway, I want to thank everyone who remembered (I don’t care if you only remembered through Facebook HAHAHA) my birthday because I love birthday greetings!!

Happy birthday to me!

Ninja review: (1)The Max Factor Mastertouch Under eye concealer is fantastic, but kinda bit sheer... also I think we're using it up way too fast; (2) Max Factor Xperience Weightless Foundation in Raw Silk is amazing stuff... smells amazing too. I'll prolly buy another one after this; (3) ELF eyeshadow in smoky palette - may be way too glittery for some people... (my sister hates it haha) I love the shimmer though, but prolly not for work; (4) Max Factor Masterpiece eyeshadow in purple palette - love the matte finish!

and this…

Ninja review: ELF Eyelid Primer (1) Brow highlighter - If you use this stuff too much, it might make you look like a fairy, though a few dabs really makes your eyes open (2) Nude - THIS STUFF IS AMAZEBALLS. Some people online swear it's an Urban Decay dupe. While I wouldn't know, my eye makeup really stays on forever and I have the oiliest eyelids on earth! Well I tested it last Halloween party and not a smudge on my eye, darling, nope. (3) Champagne - a bit too dark to use as base so I'm not sure why it's in this shade (I mean COME ON you could have just doubled Nude). It works okay as a beige eyeshadow with a slight shimmer.

and we were bored…

so we did this:

and this

and another

and we love tiles

This was 1 AM Monday morning. We’re just so random like that. This is also the reason why we insist on white walls. I know, we just wasted 60 seconds of your time you can never get back.

Um, sorry.